May 17, 2019

Story Time + A Little Self Care Rant

So, I've been pondering the past few days about what my next post should be. 

I literally had no idea...until yesterday.

Okay, story time.

The moment 2019 arrived, I was ready for my best year ever. I was in a new place, good things were happening. I was ready to keep moving forward.

Or, so I thought. 

Out of nowhere, the plague of death hit my family hard. I've lost so many family members this year. I mean, honestly, I've dealt with this horribly painful "part of life" more in 2019 than I have throughout my entire existence. No exaggerations. The most recent 2 were the most difficult to accept of them all.

So, quite naturally, with all of this comes the necessity to allow healing time. & I'm so proud of myself because I've been giving myself that time. 


I was told by a peer that I was being "abusive" because I decided to dive into self care full-force & unplug for a while. Now, how this makes any sense, I have yet to figure out. Especially when they knew what was going on. I was very clear on what was taking place & how it was affecting me. So, when this peer came with such ridiculous accusations, I was just speechless. 

I'm not even close to being an abusive person in any way. & for them to try & make my time to tend to myself about them is just not okay. At all. 

What’s worse is, all my life I've been selfless, always putting others' happiness before my own. My feelings & emotions were always on the back burner because I always focused on everyone else. How I felt wasn’t important in my mind. As long as those I held close & cared about were happy, nothing else mattered.

In the long run, that damaged me in ways that I'm still working on mending. I had to learn to say "enough is enough" & focus on me for a change. & that's exactly what I've been doing. 


I mean, think about it. How does apologizing for literally just taking care of yourself make sense? Let me answer that for you. It doesn't. 


I honestly can't stress this enough. It's important to focus on yourself from time to time. It's not wrong, & you'll be happy you did in the long run. It's all about knowing & doing what's in your best interest, because at the end of the day, no one's going to have your back the way YOU do. 

Well, L, how do I do this?

Honestly it starts by looking deep within. You've just got to let go of the worry of everyone else around you & zone in on yourself. They will be fine while you get your things in order, promise. Ask yourself what you need to get back on track, whether it be a better head space, better physical care, better spiritual care -- whatever you're neglecting to do for your well being. It's definitely easier said than done, but that doesn't mean that it's impossible. Don't let anyone try to tell you otherwise.  

Once you figure out what you need, let go of everything else going on around you, & focus on yourself, what is for you will fall into place. It's going to take time, but the patience that you learn to have with yourself makes the process so worth it. & honestly, once you REALLY get into it, the timeline is the last thing on your mind.

Now, what are you waiting for? Hop to it & you'll find yourself being your best self before you know it.

Later babes.

- L

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